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Carline M. Napolitano, LCSW- Psychotherapist

"what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life"

My Blog

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Acceptance

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 10:23 AM Comments comments (53)
Nature teaches acceptance.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Before I discuss complimentary treatments, a very important aspect of living with a chronic condition, experiencing life transitions, aging or just living with challenges, is the concept of acceptance. Take a moment and write down the word acceptance on a piece of paper. Without much thought, jot down what comes to your mind around the word acceptance. Really free associate and have fun with this. It is between you and you!
 
Now notice what you came up with; did the words fear creep in or giving up? If you kept writing, did you move from fear to something else?
 
The notion or concept of acceptance very often brings up the idea of giving in, which for some means giving up in their mind's eye. Yet, acceptance is the very thing which can mobilize a person into being the "best version" of them self as they face any of life's challenges.
 
Let's look at a very simple example. Jamie is newly diagnosed with type II diabetes. Jamie leaves the doctor's office quite disappointed, scared, perhaps a tinge of anger "why me". As Jamie drives out of the parking lot, Jamie decides to stop for coffee. The coffee shop smells of freshly brewed coffee as well as fresh donuts. Cinnamon dots the air reminding Jamie of home baked goods from childhood days. Almost in tears, Jamie orders coffee and two cinnamon donuts; thinking "s--- it, I'm going to enjoy myself and eat what I want, I will not be a victim to diabetes and I will not accept this diagnosis".
 
Carolyn Myss might say that Jamie is having an adult version of a temper tantrum. When we make such choices in our lives, that is what we are doing. Having a temper tantrum as things are not going our way.
 
If Jamie accepted this diagnosis how would the coffee shop scenario play out? Are you thinking, "oh sure, the 'good' person would not buy a donut but I'm not that strong, I'm not that good". If you are thinking something like that, I implore you to keep going deeper with the question; what does acceptance mean to me and how does it relate to "the best version of myself"?
 
Acceptance means going with the flow of life not against it. Humans are not salmons swimming up stream each season. It is the continuous push back at life's challenges that causes chronic unhealthy stress, anger, disappointment and the list goes on. Rather, true acceptance is like riding the perfect wave to shore. Weaving in and out, staying with the strength of the wave, being with the wave, not fighting it.
 
Acceptance is unique for each individual as it is based upon one's own set of values. The smell of the cinnamon brought Jamie the pleasant memory of home baking as a child. Jamie values this but Jamie cannot continue to hurt and make choice based upon anger and denial.
 
Jamie values home baking. Jamie needs some comforting as the diagnosis has produce fear. So based upon who Jamie is, Jamie enrolled in a cooking class for type II diabetics. Jamie is back to baking which is both pleasurable and healthy. As a result of the cooking class, Jamie has made a few new friends with whom Jamie shares some fears, tips and laughs.
 
When Jamie leaves the doctors office now, Jamie still stops in the coffee shop to get coffee. The smell of freshly brewed coffee, freshly baked donuts tinged with cinnamon brings a smile and warmth to Jamie. Jamie accepts the diagnosis today. Jamie enjoys the smells, memories, buys the coffee and goes home to home baked healthy choices.
Oh and by the way, Jamie was able to reduce some of the blood pressure medications and the dosage of diabetes medications also decreased. That is acceptance.
 
If you are having difficulty accepting some aspect of your life or who you are, please write me. Perhaps you will discover what you need, just through the process of writing.
rite your post here.

Tending to social, emotional, financial, occupational, recreational issues.

Posted on August 20, 2012 at 7:21 PM Comments comments (58)
PossibilitiesMedically managing a chronic illness or condition is the first and most important aspect in one's care. Being a partner with your health care provider offers both of you an opportunity to address your medical needs in the most efficient manner. Tending to the medical issues does not preclude addressing, psychological, social, spiritual, occupational,financial and recreational issues. Tending to the medical aspects do not automatically address all or some of these other emerging facets of living with a chronic condition.
 
However, we often hope that tending to the medical will get us back to work, playing tennis again, meeting with our friends, driving, and the list goes on. Sometimes it does, sometimes it takes a long time and sometimes we must face limitations.
 
In this post, I would like you to consider your social, emotional, financial, spiritual, occupational, recreational issues. Are you suffering in any of these areas? Are you falling short of your own personal goals and feel quite disenfranchised these days?
 
Yes or maybe answers to these questions are quite natural. Actually, admitting a yes or maybe right now is a very big step in dealing with a chronic illness/condition. It is from this vantage point that you can begin to consider ways to revitalize yourself.
 
First, make a list of your personal characteristics. This will give you some hints in what to seek out, such as; a support group, one on one therapy, volunteer work etc. It is important to tailor what you choose based upon who you are. I find that people who are suggested to go to a support group when they are shy feel even worse because they fall short of someone else's expectation for them. Instead attend a lecture where you can be anonymous or part of a larger group. From here you never know what you may learn or try but first and foremost you must be in charge of yourself.
 
Having said that, there is a big advantage of pushing the envelop and trying something new. That is very revitalizing.
 
Again, your health care provider most likely has many referrals for you to choose, psychotherapists, foundations specializing in your condition, peer support groups, volunteer programs, to name a few.
 
I welcome hearing from you. Next session, I will address some alternative/side by side treatments as I do not promote negating medical treatment.  In the meantime, breath......
 
 

Healing and Dealing-Living with a Chronic Illness

Posted on October 21, 2010 at 12:32 AM Comments comments (57)
Living with a chronic illness presents numerous challenges. Often it shakes a person to their core. How an individual deals with a chronic illness depends upon many variables. Variables such as; social, emotional and financial support, age of onset, prognosis, is the illness degenerative in nature, past and present coping skills, family values and culture, employment options to name a few.
 
A diagnosis of a chronic illness brings loss. Not only loss in the present, but often anticipated loss. It is a natural response to feel the loss of present and future as one imagined or planned.
 
This blog is about the natural progression of feelings which ebb and flow. Healing and dealing is a process. It is a circular experience with many facets to explore and endure. At first it is an intellectual process which slowly melts into a heartfelt experience.
 
Drawing upon my clinical experience and research. You will find over the next few weeks, tips, understanding, resources, stress reduction techniques and general information. Please read with an open heart. I will make every effort to see and hear you clearly so do write your responses.
 
In closing this first post, take a moment after reading this to close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose to the count of 7, hold for 4 and breath out through your mouth to the count of 8. Rest a few seconds and do this breathing exercise two more times. Our breath is our greatest gift. Honor it as well as honor yourself.
 
In breath,
Carline

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